What are you afraid of? Coping with fears and phobias

Everyone feels frightened or afraid when faced with dangerous or life-threatening situations.

What is your most secret phobia?  Spiders?  That is Arachnophobia!

Cockroaches? Katsaridaphobia

 Dark spaces? Nyctophobia

 Heights? Acrophobia

 Open spaces? Agoraphobia

  Or perhaps being asked to give a speech at a local club gives you the jitters?

 Aviophobia- the fear of flying? Or zelophobia, the fear of jealousy?

 Or perhaps, you are one of the few who are afraid of everything?  Oh yes! There is a term for that too- Panophobia, or the fear of everything.

Not all fear is bad, but when it begins to interfere with your daily routine, it is called a phobia.     Normal fears alert our minds to a flight or a fight response.   It thus serves a protective purpose. 

But if you are willing to go great lengths to avoid a particular event, person or situation, even when the threat is diminished or non-existent; you may be actually putting yourself at a greater risk because of avoidance.  For example, if the person nearly wrecks their car when a spider drops in their lap out of a visor, or when a patient refuses all medical treatment for a life-threatening illness because he is afraid of needles that’s when he needs to be treated for a phobia.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”.  Did you know that there is a term for those who are afraid of being afraid?  Yes, it is called phobophobia. 

People with phobia often times realize and are aware that their fears are irrational or out of proportion and yet are not able to control them.   Being exposed to the objects of their fear could easily increase their anxiety levels; and any continued exposure could prove extremely overwhelming or nerve wrecking. Some people have recorded severe debilitating panic reactions at the very thought of coming across the objects of their fear.   It’s a disabling condition that affects about 19 million people in United States alone.

How do you differentiate between a normal fear and a phobia?

When you are cruising on the sea and you encounter a storm, and you feel your pulse racing, that is fear.  But when the thought of a storm restricts you from enjoying a relatively calm day at the sea, that is a phobia.  Another example would be

Many people experience sweaty palms and anxiety when they have to speak at a public conference, however, if it restricts a person from dating or speaking to a person in authority or enjoying a night out at a party or a picnic, that is phobia.

Onset of phobias

While most phobias develop in childhood, some fears do not appear until later in life.  Toddlers often fear loud noises, strangers and parental separation while these fears later gradually progress to fear of ghosts, monsters, dinosaurs at early school age.   However, these are normal fears and are easily gone by the time children grow in age.  If, for some reason, these fears fail to go on their own, and cause undue interference in their normal activities, school performances, eating or sleeping; they may need to see a therapist.

Types of phobias:

Social phobias: (Social Anxiety Disorders)

Social phobia often mistaken to having a shy nature could be much more than that.

Do you often panic when introduced to new people?  Or while talking to authority figures?

Does your heart begin to race while having to answer the telephone?

Are you very self-conscious in everyday social situations?

If you have been feeling this way for at least six months and these feelings make it hard for you to do everyday tasks, you may be suffering from social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia.  It is an imminent fear of being watched or judged by another person, and it makes it hard for the one suffering to make any social connections or friendships.   Some of the fears associated with this type of phobia are fear of public speaking, fear of talking to strangers, or even fear of eating in public places. 

It is a heritable condition—first-degree relatives have a two to six time’s greater chance of having social anxiety disorder.

Specific Phobias are categorized into 5 types:

Specific phobias are fears which are characterized by anxiety or extreme panic about a specific object or situation.  This fear is out of proportion to the actual danger posed by the specific object or situation and often results in avoidance of day to day activities.

Animal Phobias (dogs, snakes, rodents or spiders)

Natural Environment Phobias (heights, storms, water, dark places, loud sounds, costumed characters especially seen in children)

Blood-Injection-Injury Phobias (fear of seeing blood, receiving a blood test or shot, watching television shows that display medical procedures, illnesses, injury, germs)

Situational Phobias (airplanes, elevators, driving, bridges, tunnels, elevators and other enclosed places)

Agoraphobia

Agoraphobia is theoretically thought to be a fear of open spaces, but in reality, it has wider implications.  Imagine being afraid of being outside your own house for a period of time; or not being able to enjoy your time at a park or a party?  Or a shopping mall?  That’s what it means to be an agoraphobic. 

It could also mean that you are afraid of getting into an elevator; and for some, it could mean being not able to perform simple tasks like travelling by car, bus or plane. 

Treating a phobia

Most times, people do not seek treatment for their phobias.  It is often diagnosed when people keep rearranging their lifestyle around the source of their fear.

 Most phobics pass through life, making changes to their lifestyle to avoid their source of fear in every way possible.    They live with the constant anxiety of being discovered and the embarrassment that will cause.  Social consequences of their fear or the object of their fear and their reaction to it often increases the anxiety related to their fear. 

1)            Systemic desensitization:

This was the most common form of treatment used in the past; which was also broadly showcased in several movies.   Here people were introduced to their sources of fear under expert supervision and were taught to relax when the fear source was removed.  The process was repeated several times until the person was eventually desensitized to his fear.

2)            Cognitive behavioral therapy

It works on the philosophy that if you change the way you think; it will eventually change the way you act.  In the same way when you change the way you act; it changes your thinking.

Therapy for phobias has a great track record and success rates are usually high depending on the therapist and the type of therapy prescribed… Not only does it work extremely well, but you tend to see results very quickly—sometimes in as a little as one to four sessions.

3)            Virtual reality

Technology has been gaining prominence in the treatment of phobias in recent times.   Researchers have found significant success rates, in treating fear of spiders, fear of heights and fear of flying (see http://www.virtuallybetter.com/).

Self-help strategies

As a general rule, self-help is always worth a try.

However, support doesn’t have to come in the guise of a professional therapist. Just having someone to hold your hand or stand by your side as you face your fears can be extremely helpful.

Take it slow and steady

Face your fears, one baby step at a time

Although avoiding the source of fear may seem like the best path to take, unless you face your fears you will never know what lies beyond that point.  Imagine being able to do all that you missed or going to places that you couldn’t go because of you fear.

So today, instead of letting your fear control you; resolve to control your fear.

 Give yourself a chance to learn how to cope with your fears until you begin to gain control.  Slowly, steadily try exposing yourself to the root source of your fear.  Now let go!  Let go of all the anxiety.  Soon you will realize that whatever you feared the most is not going to happen.  You are going to be okay.   Let each one of your exposures give you more confidence and control.

The more often you face your fear; the less frightening it will get.

Scenario:  Are you afraid of spiders?

Look at a picture of a spider.  Does it make your heart race or your pulse to quicken?  Take a deep breadth and tell yourself that the spider in the picture cannot harm you.  It has no control over you. 

Gradually begin to look at videos of the spiders, see how they walk or build their webs.  Try to focus on the complexity of their job at building their web.  Try to appreciate rather than be afraid.  Feel better?

Tell yourself that you are now actually ready to see the real spider.   It is not going to harm you.  Watch from a distance; until you begin to get comfortable with getting closer.

Tip:  If at any time you feel a panic attack striking or begin to get overwhelmed; back off and try again later.

Practice positive affirmations

Repeat these affirmations to yourself.  Write them down in sticky notes and place them where you will constantly see them.

I am safe.  This spider will not kill me/this elevator will not harm me/ this dog will not attack me…. or whatever your fear is

I know my fear is not real.  I am bigger than my fear. 

I shall overcome.  Nothing can stop me.  This fear has no control over me.  I am free.  I set myself free

I can do this.  I am stronger than my fear.

As you practice your positive affirmations, challenge any negative thoughts that come your way.

Is this elevator actually going to break down?  What could possibly happen if it breaks down?  Has anyone ever suffocated in a closed elevator?

Has anyone actually been bitten by a spider?

Is missing that important event or a function worth my fear of flying?  What are the chances of that plane crashing?

Is missing that wonderful job opportunity worth my fear of heights?  That opportunity would give a better lifestyle for my family.  How many other people work safely at that 12th floor?  Has anything happened to them yet?

Use strategies for stress relief:

Practice this deep breathing technique for five minutes twice day. When you’re comfortable with the technique, you can use it when you’re facing your phobia or in another stressful situation.  Begin by taking deep abdominal breadths and hold them in while you count to five.  Tell yourself that you are breathing in positive energy, the strength and the courage.  Slowly exhale and let go.  Believe that you are exhaling away your tensions, your stress, and your fears.

Look for more stress relief coping strategies at

When Stress Becomes too Stressful…….

When should you seek professional help?

Be sure to seek professional help when your fear makes you feel overwhelmed or leads to panic attacks

Talk to your therapist if you have to skip important occasions or modify your lifestyle due to your crippling fears.  For instance, if you avoid crowded places such as shopping malls and movie theaters. driving in cars, airplanes, subways, and other forms of travel (Or any other changes in normal routines).

Seek professional help if your phobia interferes with your day to day activities

You’ve had the phobia for at least six months

Tips to help your loved ones suffering from phobia:

Avoid being judgmental

Talk to them about their phobia and how it has affected their life.  Listening to their experience and the impact their phobia had on their lives will help you empathize with them.

Ask them what helps.  Ask for their intake on what could possibly help and in what way they would want to be helped.  This empowers them rather than pressurizing them.

Take their phobia seriously.  Although their fears may sound silly to you; they are real to them.  Their pain, their anxiety, their panic and the distress they feel is real.

Help them take one step at a time towards their progress.  Don’t rush it.  Avoid pressurizing them do more than they can handle.

Use positive reinforcements or reward system especially if you are working with kids.  Reward every accomplishment no matter how small.

If you think you are not able to help them cope adequately encourage them to seek appropriate treatment by talking to a therapist.

Last but not the least, take care of yourself.  I have said this several times and I repeat once more….You can’t pour from an empty cup.  Take care of yourself so will be in a better shape to care for your loved ones.