How to Support your Partner with Bipolar Mood Disorder

Do you love a person with bipolar disorder? Do you wish you could do more to support your loved one diagnosed with a bipolar disorder but are not sure-how? 

Living with a person with mood disorder can be excruciatingly difficult-it may sometimes seem like a big roller coaster ride.  One may notice high episodes of ‘manic behaviors’ or phases of ‘hypomania’ and at times, low episodes of depression.  Then, one may encounter these ‘mixed’ episodes, where the mania and the depression are both present at the same time.  This uncertainty of ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ and a lack of understanding about them can drive even the closest relationships apart; even to the breaking point.

So, what is it like, to live with a person who is diagnosed with the mood disorder?

Living with a person diagnosed with Bipolar Mood Disorder

The moods and behaviors of a person with bipolar disorder affects not just the person concerned, but also those of their loved ones; especially those who live with them; affect everyone around—disrupting their relationships and family life.

The manic phase of a bipolar disorder may introduce you to a more energetic person- someone who is suddenly more adventurous and over-confident, loves reckless driving, impulsive spending, has explosive outbursts, feelings of superiority, makes irresponsible decisions and a hyper tuned sexuality.   The person may go around exhibiting promiscuous behaviors and insensitivity towards loved ones.  Binge spending sprees may throw the family’s finances on an upheaval.  And once the manic phase passes, it is once again upon you to clean up the mess of your loved one and deal with the consequences.  As they regress through a depressive phase, their actions and behaviors, their slack and low drive may leave you feeling tired, frustrated, and wondering why you are still together.

Added to this is the intense social pressure which can be an incredibly difficult ship to navigate, especially when you have to constantly explain to your loved ones why he says or does things in public that would make you either embarrassed or run-in tears.   

However, the silver lining in this bipolar storm is that people with mood disorder can manage and stabilize their moods with proper medication, treatment and support.  They are still the same people they were before their diagnosis.  Your perseverance, love and understanding have the power to help them navigate through their road to recovery.

How to help your partner who has a mood disorder

It is important to know and realize that Bipolar mood disorder is a chronic illness and the episodes will occur throughout the person’s lifetime.  Even then, problems with relationships are bound to occur.  I often hear heartbreaking stories of wonderful marriages and families that were distorted because of the most problematic behaviors that stem from their illness.

1. Educate yourself about Bipolar Mood Disorder

Learn everything you can about the symptoms of the disorder and its treatment options. The more genuine information you gather, the more empowered you will feel to deal with the condition.  When your loved one is in a stable mood; talk to them and together, work on identifying the triggers.   Every person has triggers that blows off their mood (lack of sleep, increased stress, specific times of year, travel, etc.); and things that help calm them down (talking about their stressors, decreasing the workload, Know their high and low points.  

 Stressful events such as death in the family or having financial troubles, can trigger mood swings.  Be informed about the coping strategies that work your partner.  If feasible, try to reduce stressors as much as possible

Childbirth and Pregnancy has been linked to an exaggeration of bipolar symptoms in various research studies.  If you plan on having children, work with your doctor on the best possible treatment plans during the pregnancy and after childbirth.

Seasonal changes also may cause shift in moods because of changes in sleep, intensity of sunshine, and number of daylight hours, as well as changes in melatonin levels. Closely monitoring your partners moods and changes if any during seasonal changes can help you manage symptoms.

2) Encourage healthy behaviors in your loved one

These behaviors include:

•             Getting sufficient, regular sleep

•             Using minimal substances; avoid caffeine and alcohol.

•             Maintain a regular exercise schedule

•             Performing simple, daily mood chart and talking about any challenges faced

•             Taking medications as prescribed

3) Set boundaries

Make this part of an unofficial written contract.  Set boundaries.  Certain boundaries to be  set in the beginning of the recovery phase include:

• Being ready for any destructive behaviors

Agree in advance to what is acceptable and what is not.  Agree on specific steps that will need to be taken in the event of a destructive episode; including pre-approved permission to get treatment and hospitalization if necessary.  In addition, make arrangements to have credit cards/car keys or other harmful things removed from the vicinity.

• Keep a list of contact numbers ready in case of emergency.  Include numbers of doctors, family members and friends, and also the hospital that the client would prefer to be taken to; if necessary.  Make a card with this information, laminate it and keep a copy in your loved one’s valet at all times.  Keep other copies of this card where they are easily accessible.
• Know whom to call if you feel you are in some danger.  Know the hotlines in your area.
• Watch also for depressive episodes.  Depression associated with bipolar mood disorder can lead to isolation, hopelessness, emptiness and thoughts of suicide, so watch out and let your partner know in advance, that you will always be available when they need to discuss these feelings.

Let everyone living in the family including your loved one know of the rules.

4) Get involved in the treatment

Ask the doctor or the therapist if you can somehow get involved with the treatment.  This can involve making appointments, keeping track of the appointments, noting changes in the symptoms and the side-effects of the medications if any.

Try to visit the psychiatrist together whenever feasible. This can benefit you both in various ways including:

Understanding the illness and clarifying any doubts that you may have.

Providing valuable information about your loved one’s mood swings

Learning to identify the triggers and the soothers.

Learning about their medications and side-effects.

Track treatment progress and watch for signs of relapse.

Alerting the psychiatrist about any changes in the physical or mental health

5) Practice support, acceptance and forgiveness

It is important to realize that it is not your loved one’s fault that they have bipolar disorder. Let them know that you’re there for them.   Letting your loved one know that they can talk to you can act as a soothing balm.   Acknowledge that they are the same person whom you fell in love with in the first place.  People with bipolar mood disorder often face loneliness and social isolation due to their symptoms.  Having someone to talk to and offer unconditional support can be a welcome distraction.

When in the middle of a manic episode, people often say or do things that are hurtful or embarrassing. In manic stage, you may find your partner to be reckless, cruel, critical, paranoid and aggressive. On a parallel note, when depressed, they may be aloof, seek solitude, irritable, hostile, and moody. It’s hard not to feel hurt during these times, but try to remember that they’re symptoms of your loved one’s mental illness, not the individual themselves. 

On a similar note, during the manic phase, your partner may seek intimacy more than normal, you may notice an alteration in normal sexual practices, an increase in pornography or reckless sexual behaviors, increased flirting and even promiscuity. Depression will bring about a totally aloof partner who avoids sex altogether leaving you feeling confused or even rejected.  Several of the medications may also affect their sexual drive.  While you may definitely set boundaries on promiscuity, adapting an understanding approach during their depressive phase will help them overcome their feelings of guilt and hopelessness.  Seek individual or couple’s therapy.  When someone is first diagnosed, there are often relationship issues that need to be addressed

If your loved one has a lot of energy, go on a jog or a walk together.  Remove all stimulants or unnecessary stress.  Plan for outdoor activities together to help your partner release some of their energy while sharing your company.

Offer finger foods-foods that they can bite along while on the move.  Carrot sticks, apples, simple sandwiches and crackers are good examples of finger foods.

Allow them sleep and rest whenever possible.  Even small naps during the day are helpful during the manic phase.

Keep the communication lines open.  Know what to say and how to say it.  Don’t tell them to control their moods.  If they could, they would.   Do not ask them to exercise their will power or self-control.  And never tell them to stop acting irrationally.   Instead let them know you care.  That you are there for them.  That you are in this together. 

6) A holistic and integrative life-style approach

Although bipolar mood disorder can be treated by medications, an integrative and holistic approach that includes the practice of mindfulness, stress reduction, appropriate nutrition and adaptation of a healthy, active lifestyle goes a long way in stabilizing moods.  Choosing fruit instead of a cookie, practicing gratefulness instead of obsessing over the stressors, and trying a physical workout instead of sitting for hours on social media are lifelong habits that ensure physical and mental wellbeing.

Know the relation between your food and the moods.

If your partner has been excessively using caffeine, trying reducing it gradually. Caffeine is an underappreciated bipolar trigger and can also impair sleep.  Do not stop abruptly as it may cause headaches and increased irritability.  Similarly, alcohol is known to adversely interact with lithium according to National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).

Avoiding high-fat meals to lower the risk for obesity and proper medication absorption in the body

Your salt intake can affect your lithium levels.  If you suffer from high blood pressure and are watching your salt intake, talk to your provider on the best way to maintain balance in intake, especially if you are on lithium.  Also remember to keep your partner adequately hydrated when on lithium.

Follow the doctor’s instructions to stay away from foods that may affect specific bipolar medication, especially certain anti-depressants.

Add more omega-3-rich foods to your partner’s diet. Walnuts, flaxseed, salmon, sardines, anchovies, almonds, spinach and collard greens, are some options.  There are plenty of studies that link Multiple studies1 Omega-3 fatty acids with feelings of depression so common in bipolar patients

Your takeaway,

Loving someone with bipolar disorder can cause you to feel powerless.   It may seem like an ongoing struggle.  Get the support and the rest you need.  Go away on a boys/girl’s weekend out, if needed.  Accept your limitations. Know that bipolar disorder symptoms can be managed, but cannot be entirely controlled. Bipolar disorder isn’t anyone’s fault, and the sooner you are able to understand, accept and adjust to it, the easier it will be to accept the diagnosis and move forward.