How to break free from your negative emotions

Table of Contents

Introduction

Identifying Negative Emotions

Why We Hold on to Pain and Anger

The Negative Contracts We Make                                                                

Signs of Harboring Negative Emotions

Emotional Freedom Technique

Expecting Too Much

Dealing with Heartache From a Broken Relationship

Ways to Overcome Heartbreak and Move on

Natural Remedies to Help Control Depression and Negative Emotions

Exercise                                                                                                       

Pranayama (Deep Breathing)                                                                       

Basic Pranayama                                                                                          

Tai  Chi                                                                                                         

Reiki for Emotional Healing           

The Importance of Gratitude

Journaling

Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.

– Tori Amos

Introduction

Painful situations are a part of life, but your perception of these situations makes all the difference. If you’re holding onto painful memories and feelings, these are very likely keeping you from leading a happy life.

Negative emotions such as fear and heartache can affect your body and mind, leading to dysfunctional relationships, depression, stress, and disease. So it’s important to not only be aware of your emotions, but also what you can do to release them.

This guide will help teach you how to let go of the past and live the life you deserve with practical suggestions. Since you’re reading this, you’ve already demonstrated the courage to make the transition. So let’s get started!

Identifying Negative Emotions

You’ve probably noticed that anger and fear make your heart beat faster and your neck muscles tense up. Maybe you get goose bumps or your blood pressure rises. These reactions are your body’s way of telling you that it’s under duress.

Constant anger causes stress on your heart, which can lead to cardiac arrest. Arguing with someone for a long time can lead to exhaustion. You should take heed and protect yourself from these corrosive emotions.

Bottling up negative emotions can also lead to rashes, nausea, constipation, dry throat, bloating, headaches, and difficulty sleeping. When you notice these symptoms, try to determine the reason. People suffering from these ailments often visit doctors for relief, but very seldom is there an identifiable pathological cause for these symptoms.

If you’re angry, depressed, or anxious, it’s important to find out why and do something about it.  

Countless people say they want to get out of pain, and I’m convinced that’s true, but they aren’t willing to make healing a high priority. They aren’t willing to look inside to see the source of their pain to deal with it.

– LINDSAY Wagner

Why We Hold on to Pain and Anger

It’s completely natural to feel angry and hurt if your partner rejects you, but holding onto this feeling for years will make it impossible for you to move into a healthier relationship.

Losing loved ones can make it difficult to move on, but holding on to these feelings for years only prolongs your unhappiness.  

So what makes us cling to our negative emotions? The events of our life determine the patterns we follow. If, for example, your parents always told you to go to bed when you were naughty as a child, you may connect going to bed with negative feelings.

Your brain plays a large part in this process. It assigns an emotion to every piece of incoming sensory information.

If your muscles get tense when you argue with someone, they’ll probably tend to do so in the future. In fact, this bodily signal can alert you to your anger. The trick is to recognize these patterns and their underlying causes.

The Negative Contracts We Make

For example, let’s consider the emotion of loneliness and its possible underlying cause.

Barbara Ann Brennan, in her bestselling book Light Emerging, writes about the negative contracts we make and how these affect various areas of our lives. She gives the example of Gary, a lonely little boy who tries to get the attention of his busy and weary mother by doing things for her or helping her whenever she’s feeling down.

When he finds his behavior succeeds in getting her to notice him, he repeats this pattern (much like a dog would!). He believes that if he doesn’t take care of his mother, he won’t get her love. His childhood experience teaches him that love comes at a price.

As a result, when he becomes an adult, his relationships with women are unsuccessful due to his exaggerated care-taking, whether it’s a lover, employee, or business partner. He finds himself being sucked dry and ends up avoiding relationships. His loneliness upsets him, but he probably doesn’t know why his relationships with women don’t work.

Gary must dig deep to uncover the negative contract he made with his mother and reverse it. He must be ready for initial difficulties before he can ease into the new and positive pattern.

The women in his life may not like his new attitude at all. They can no longer count on his unconditional support and affection. However, Gary’s new attitude will eventually benefit everyone involved. While he will realize he deserves love and doesn’t have to pay for it, the women will become more independent by looking after their own welfare. 

Gary may need the help of a professional counselor to understand the underlying cause for his unhappiness and be able to move forward. Don’t hesitate to find the right guidance if you can’t determine a cause for a negative pattern of emotions in your life.

Man is not disturbed by events, but by the view he takes of them.

– Epictetus

Signs of Harboring Negative Emotions

If you’re acting in any of the following ways, you may be still in the grip of negative emotions. It’s likely that you need to forgive someone or yourself for some past mistake.

• Avoiding family or friends 
• Believing that life doesn’t hold good things for you in the future
• Drinking too much alcohol or doing illicit drugs
• Constantly thinking of a painful event
• Indulging in addictive behavior
• Having problems with mental health
• Being unable to enjoy the present
• Hearing people say you have a chip on your shoulder
• Planning to take revenge or punish someone
• Having angry outbursts

Emotional Freedom Technique

The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a technique that has recently become popular and is based on the findings of Dr. Roger Callahan. Dr. Callahan discovered that emotional discomfort is caused by an imbalance of energy in the body and mind.

This insight led to his creation of Thought Field Therapy (TFT) which combined acupuncture and kinesiology. TFT was then streamlined into the clinically proven EFT by Gary Craig who trained under Dr. Callahan.

These proven techniques shouldn’t be a surprise considering that the ancient Chinese technique of acupressure was discovered more than five thousand years ago by the Chinese. They found that, by applying pressure with their fingers and hands to specific points on the body, they could relieve pain, alleviate physical symptoms of illness, balance the emotions, and aid in the healthy functioning of internal organs.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), acupuncture is effective for curing depression, insomnia, and anxiety among other ills. EFT techniques involve tapping on the acupuncture points along meridians (energy pathways) on the body and using affirmations. At the same time, you focus on the issue which needs correction.

EFT can help you let go of many negative emotions, including:

• Anger
• Depression
• Lack of concentration
• Addiction
• Compulsion
• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
• Grief
• Anxiety

Give EFT a try. It really can bring immediate relief. EFT is painless, has no side effects and the results are usually permanent. You don’t need to believe in it either to achieve freedom from emotional disturbances as it works on a scientific level.

Check out http://www.eftuniverse.com/ for more information, case studies and free videos. It’s easy to learn the technique just by watching the videos. Check out http://www.tapping.com/ for a video tutorial.

Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.

– The Buddha

Expecting Too Much

If you expect too much from yourself (or from others), you’re bound to feel frustration. No one is perfect. Accept your reality and the fact that life is unpredictable and you’re likely to make mistakes. This way, if things don’t work out according to plan, you won’t get upset and you won’t give up.

If you depend on others for your happiness, you may be sorely disappointed. After all, you’re responsible for your own joy. Also, blaming others for your misery, won’t bring you any closer to happiness! Instead, focus on what you have to be grateful for. You’ll feel liberated because you no longer harbor negative feelings towards others.

One way to be objective is by understanding that your true worth isn’t determined by your abilities or talent, but by your humanity.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What am I contributing to the world around me? If your purpose in life is to live only for yourself or if all you want to do is party and hoard your belongings, you’ll likely feel hollow over time. 
2. Am I taking family and friends for granted? This is so easy to do and most of us are guilty of this offense on some level. When it comes to family, we think we can get away with being our worst selves because they’ll understand and love us unconditionally. This is why people often struggle with family relationships.
3. Am I causing emotional or physical hardship for others? Perhaps unwittingly, we cause heartache for others. Some examples are teenagers who scorn the wise advice of their parents, people who take pride in jilting their lovers, those who cheat on their spouses, and husbands who beat their wives.
   1. Look at the story of Mariah. In her wild past, she took pride in amassing lovers and breaking their hearts. It gave her a sense of power. Her wild ways contributed to her father’s grief.
   1. Today, Mariah is a spiritual seeker. When she meets her old friends who admired her for her hedonism, she always encounters their disbelief and shock. While they may think she’s leading a colorless life, Mariah knows better. She has released the negative emotions of the past and found greater happiness.

It is best to love wisely, no doubt; but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all.

– William Thackeray

Dealing with Heartache From a Broken Relationship

A broken relationship can drive people to depression, especially if they’ve suffered rejection. If you’ve been in this situation, you may have wondered how someone so close to you could become a stranger. Perhaps this person was central to your world and now you must begin again.

One way to mitigate the feelings of loneliness is to avoid going to the places you used to meet. Maybe you could even consider severing ties with friends you had in common – at least until you can get over the heartbreak.

Probably the best way to mend your broken heart is to be a philosopher and a realist. Take a few deep breaths and become an observer. Watch your reactions. Think of the freedom from anxiety you now enjoy. Your happiness no longer depends on the actions of another person. Sometimes, thinking of the bad habits your partner had works well to burst the love bubble.

It’s important to avoid internalizing the rejection from another and think you’re unattractive or unable to inspire love. These feelings can make you feel like you’ll never find anyone to love again and can lead to depression.

If you feel this way, remember that your worth is not measured by what someone thinks of you! You’re an awesome, unique person in your own right and you don’t require another person to validate your God-Given gifts and talents. So remember: the loss is theirs for rejecting you!

Ways to Overcome Heartbreak and Move On

1. Write it all down. Pen your feelings in a journal or write your ex a letter that you’ll never send. Writing is cathartic. Writing about your experiences, whether negative or positive, will make you feel lighter. You’ll have a better idea of how to make your next relationship a success.
2. Search for a pattern in your relationships. Is there a certain type of person you always find yourself attracted to? Does that work for you? Why or why not?
3. Many women, for instance, find themselves attracted to “bad boys.” This type of man could have criminal tendencies or be violent; he could be a drug addict or a playboy. If you tend to find bad boys attractive, you may want to discover the reason and eliminate it from your psyche. 
4. Clean the house. Get rid of your ex’s things. As you clean, imagine that you’re cleansing your heart of the anger and pain.  
5. Rediscover your hobbies and favorite activities. Maybe you didn’t have much time for these while in the relationship, but now you can return to them. Keep yourself busy with things you like to do. You needn’t depend on anyone else for your enjoyment.
6. Start an exercise routine. Exercise releases “happy” hormones and will make you healthy and trim. If you feel your overweight problem played a major role in your partner’s rejection, join an exercise program and lose some weight. Do this in a sensible way, choosing an exercise routine which suits your body and mentality.
7. Spend some time with your friends. Talking to them about your break-up may help lighten the heaviness you feel. Ask them about their lives. Shift the focus from you to them. Chat with others online who have suffered heartbreak as well.
8. Forgive your ex. Or forgive yourself if you blame yourself for the breakup. Forgiveness is essential if you want to move on and cultivate healthy relationships. It’s essential even if you just decide to remain single because resentment and anger are negative emotions that will eat into your slice of happiness.
9. Be thankful for the relationship and grateful for the love you shared. It was necessary for your self-development or you wouldn’t have encountered it. Identify the lessons you’ve learned because of it and move on.
10. Find a spiritual path. Use the time alone to focus on your inner self. Most of us are too busy nurturing our physical selves to think of our eternal spiritual selves, but we are spiritual beings in physical bodies.
11. If you can find the well of joy within yourself, then you won’t need to look for it outside. This could be the best thing you could do to heal painful, negative emotions.
12. It will give you a new sense of purpose to understand your immaculate true being and try to manifest it.
13. Get in touch with your inner self through prayer and guidance.
14. Get a pet. Dogs are the ultimate stress busters. When you’re aching for a hug, hug your dog. They’ll love you unconditionally and will always welcome you back even if you’ve been away for just five minutes.

Natural Remedies to Help Control Depression and Negative Emotions

Exercise

Exercise releases endorphins which foster a feeling of well-being. In a 2001 study carried out by Duke University in North Carolina, it was found that exercise is a more effective treatment for depression than antidepressants. In addition, there are fewer relapses and a higher recovery rate. You also develop self esteem and confidence because you’re trimmer and healthier.

But how do you motivate yourself to exercise when you’re feeling down?

Start by doing small things like taking the stairs or walking to the store down the street, instead of taking the car. Try gardening or take the dog out for a walk. Take the stairs. Try to exercise in natural surroundings as nature has a soothing effect on the mind.

Brisk walking for 30 minutes a day (3-4 times a week) cuts the risk of diabetes by 50 percent. Plus, it’s not hard on your joints. It keeps osteoporosis and many diseases including Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s at bay. You could try other types of aerobic exercise such as tap dancing, swimming, running, or cycling.

If you think you can’t exercise alone, go to the gym. Sign up for a calming yoga class. Yoga, like Tai Chi, improves your core (lower back and abdominal muscles) which gives you a feeling of balance and control. The movements require control of both mind and body. This physical sense translates into emotional balance.

Those who think they have no time for bodily exercise will, eventually, have to find time for illness.

– Edward Stanley

Pranayama (Deep Breathing)

According to the book Healing With Love by Leonard Laskow, M.D., negative emotions “seem to reside in the right hemisphere of the brain, while positive ones are focused in the left side.” To balance your emotions, you can do alternate nostril breathing or pranayama. According to Laskow, pranayama will cause the consciousness to shift into the “transpersonal dimension.”

Your illusion of separateness will disappear. Normally, the dominance of one brain hemisphere makes us feel alienated from our source. This illusion of separateness eventually leads to illness.

He also writes about our emotions and feelings creating energy forms which attract others that are similar. Thus we draw to us circumstances and individuals that resonate with our emotions. This is how we create our own reality.

It’s no surprise then that pranayama is known to alleviate depression, anxiety disorders, and negative emotions. In research conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health and Neuroscience in India, up to 73 percent of participants with depression showed significant improvement through this yogic practice. 

In addition, the extra oxygen is calming and relaxing and will keep you in good health as well as improve your skin.

The term “pranayama” means “life-force control.” It is a powerful tool for purifying mind and body and raising your energy level. Basic pranayama is easy to do. The advanced techniques require professional guidance.

Basic Pranayama

1. Sit up straight in a chair with a straight back to help support your spine.
2. Use your thumb and middle finger for the exercise.
3. Place your middle finger on one nostril. Inhale to the count of 12 through the other nostril.
4. Pinch the nostril shut with the thumb. Hold the breath for 20 counts.
5. Lift your middle finger from the other nostril and exhale through it to the count of 12.
6. Next, inhale from the nostril through which you exhaled. Pinch it shut with the same finger, hold the breath for 20 counts. Then lift the thumb from the other nostril and exhale to the count of 12.
7. Do this 10 times, alternating between the nostrils.
8. Next, using the same fingers and timing counts, inhale through one nostril and exhale through the other 10 times. Repeat with the other nostril 10 times.  
9. Next, inhale and exhale through the same nostril 10 times using the same timing counts. Repeat with the other nostril.

Note: Avoid doing pranayama under a fan at high speed. The best times for this exercise are early in the morning and at sunset. Watch which nostril is easier to breathe through. If it’s the right, it means your left logical brain is active; if it’s the left nostril, your creative right brain is ready for some creativity.

When the breath wanders the mind also is unsteady.

But when the breath is calmed the mind too will be still,

and the yogi achieves long life. Therefore, one should

learn to control the breath. 

– Svatmarama, Hatha Yoga Pradipika

Tai  Chi

Invented by a Taoist monk in the 13th century, Tai Chi has gained thousands of admirers in the West who practice this gentle exercise to reduce stress, improve health, and balance the emotions.

The technique consists of slow and continuous bodily movements done preferably in open spaces, since it’s based on the Taoist philosophy of being in harmony with nature and going with the universal flow. In China, Tai Chi is practiced outdoors during sunrise or sunset. 

Regular practice gradually dissolves blockage of chi energy within the body and between the body and the environment. Effects take a while to show up, but are certain if you practice 20 minutes every day.

Tai Chi can also rejuvenate the body and keep you youthful. Every part of the body is used and there are no side effects. Research shows that it can prolong the lifespan and calm the mind.

Tai Chi strengthens the weak, raises the sick, invigorates the debilitated, and encourages the timid.

– Cheng Man Ching

Reiki for Emotional Healing

The practice of Reiki, an ancient healing system used by The Buddha and rediscovered by the Japanese professor, Dr. Usui, can help you balance your emotions, sleep better, and heal physical ailments. For depression, more Reiki is given to the head area, the throat, and heart chakras.

Once you’re initiated and become a channel for cosmic energy, you can make yourself calmer and more peaceful. Being calm is being centered. Thinking and acting from this center, you’ll be able to avoid extremes. Stress won’t have a hold on you. You’ll be able to alleviate mood swings, fear, frustration, anger, or depression.

Or you could seek the help of a professional Reiki healer who can help you recognize and change negative thought patterns.

The five principles of Reiki below will help you transform yourself and lead a contented life.

• Just for today, I will not fear.
• Just for today, I will not get angry.
• Just for today, I will honor my parents, teachers and elders.
• Just for today, I will earn my living honestly.
• Just for today I will show gratitude towards everything.

The medicine of the future will be energy medicine and chemical medicine will be a subset of medicine as a whole. Probably 80 percent of medicine will be energy medicine, and 20 percent chemical medicine.

– Robert Jacobs

The Importance of Gratitude

When you’re in an emotional bind, remind yourself of the things in your life that are going well. Begin your day with feelings of gratitude and think of your blessings throughout the day. A blessing could be something as simple as birds singing in your garden at dawn, a loving child or loving pets.

This will help you gain perspective. Observe your thoughts and weed out those that are negative, replacing them with empowering ones.

With gratitude comes appreciation, which is the key for living honestly and completely in the moment, untroubled by what has gone before and what could come. The perfectly lived moment will give birth to the perfect future moment.

The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!

– Henry Ward Beecher

Journaling

Once you’ve identified your negative emotions, the next step is to express the emotion you’re feeling in words. Write it down in your journal. Research shows that writing about your feelings strengthens your immune system by alleviating the emotion.

Pay attention to your symptoms and write them down too. Perhaps your body is telling you to stop being self critical or easily angered. Maybe it’s telling you to seek healthy relationships.

Journaling can be a very effective tool in your arsenal against negative emotions. Give it a try today! 

This guide gives you many powerful strategies for letting go of your negative emotions. Find some techniques that resonate with you and act to put them into practice. Soon you’ll enjoy a new serenity and passion for life as you break free from the limits of negative emotions and discover the joys of a life filled with positivity!