My Self-Care routine as a Busy Nurse and Mother

I remember my first job at the hospital, fresh out of nursing school, as young as 23 years old; bubbling with energy and inspired by a vision to care and to heal!

My preceptor told me that she loved to see me come because I brought along positive vibes, contentment and freedom; rarely seen in seasoned nurses.

As the years went by; I saw not just roses, but also the thorns in the profession.  From the ‘nurse bullies who ate their young’ to the uncaring managers; the unbelievable schedules and the system polities, sleep deprivation and the staffing ratios finally woke me up to a harsh reality.    I realized burn-out was real; although I did not fully comprehend the depth of the term back then.  Compassion fatigue hit me real hard until I was just a robot in the system, mechanical, unmotivated, lacking all initiative. Not long after, I looked like most of the other nurses working in the profession-tired, grumpy, worn-out, and short-tempered with a bunch of disastrous bad habits and practices that I would never ever recommend to my patients.

That’s when I began some soul searching; and decided it was time I regained some control over my physical health and mental well-being.  I wanted to feel alive once more.  I was tired of feeling void and depleted. That’s how my self-care journey began…….

If you are a nurse, a health care professional or in any kind of a stressful situation, know that I see you, I feel your struggles and I have feel your pain; for I have been there.

As I started browsing the internet for some good self-care strategies, I saw the beautiful beaches, the extensive massages and the lavender oils all perfect with picture perfect locations and I began wondering if this is what self-care is all about?  Does self-care actually need extensive planning and a year’s worth of my saving?  Is it just me or have you noticed how gorgeous self-care is made out to be in the social media?  Being a busy mother of three, there was no way I was going to have time for aromatic bubble baths, or those expensive looking detox sessions.  For me personally, self-care would be something that I could easily juggle between my crazy work shifts, running errands, parenting.

I decided then that the path of self-care that I would choose would be custom made to fit my needs; it had to be a path designed specifically for me where every domain of my life would be easily included. I knew by then, self-care is not an indulgence; but a priority; it is a discipline that required tough mindedness and a deep rooted self love and respect.

Taking it one day at a time……

The goal would be to go for one activity a day, one a week, and one a month, and schedule other things around it.

Goal # 1

Deep cleansing inside out

What does deep cleansing for me mean? Over the years as a nurse, I had learnt to thrive on caffeine and sugar; now was the time to un-learn those bad habits and replace them with a healthy nutritious diet.

No more sugar; No more vending machines

 I said ‘no’ to sugar in all its forms, decided to try it for one week, taking it slowly, steadily, one day at a time.  One week of sugar free diet and I was ready to limit my caffeine intake and replace it with infused water.  I initially used plenty of water infused with lime and mint as I noticed it helped with the ensuing headaches.  As I gained more control over my body and my cravings, I began experimenting with cucumbers and other fruits to go along with my daily water intake.  Whenever I craved for sugar, I used honey instead.

Food prepping- A family that preps food together; has fun together and stays longer and healthier together!

Next came food prepping.  Self-care for me meant, no more emergency trips to the hospital vending machines with their high calorie, snacks and drinks. I decided to make food prepping as part of our family activity where we got together in the evenings after work/school to chop carrots, tomatoes and our home grown cucumbers.  These along with individual portions of cut and marinated protein cooked and packed separately were the easier and healthier add-ons to our quick fix, healthier meals.  And added bonus being not missing out on those family times.  The younger ones were encouraged to try and make their own version of their favorite foods that often resulted in plenty of giggles and fun times.  Playing with molds and batters can be fun for the kids while keeping them occupied.

All work and no play makes us dull and grey

Children have been at home since the pandemic began in March.  With uncertainty, loneliness and boredom looming, we decided to have our own fun activities.  Being a family of six with children at all ages of their developmental process, we made timetables and schedules to keep us all occupied and make the best of the situation.  Mornings were times for the kid’s experimental yoga where they practiced postures and mindfulness along with soothing music; all which was downloaded and ready for them.  On my days off, I joined them in this calming activity.  Evenings was a time for some rigorous activity.  We have a huge parking lot in front of our home that belongs to the local YMCA and is quite deserted in the evenings.  That parking lot was now being used by us for our family time bicycling.

  If there is one thing that I learnt from this, it is this: 

Self-Care doesn’t necessarily have to be all the fancy stuff shown in magazines; it is the little things that makes you happy and relaxed that help the most!  Whether it is a simple game of family trivia or Ludo; to the more extensive workouts in the gym; do whatever works best for you.  If walking your dog, relaxes you, go for it?  You like to play tennis?  Go ahead and do it.  There is definitely no ‘one size fits all’ solution here.

Fun and relaxation through creativity

As a child I always loved diary writing; and drawing.  As an adult, I somehow lost touch with my passions as I pursued my academic and career goals.  Now was the time to bring back my true love.  That’s how this blog came to be.  I began writing once again; first journalling which gradually progressed to blogging.  Nothing relaxes me better than to put my thoughts into words.    I also love painting with my kids; again making the most of my family time.  Who said nurses can’t have it all.    If nurses can be good at making life saving decisions and using critical thinking as part of their career survival, why can’t we do the same for our self-care?  Why can’t we just juggle our self-care activities into our daily routine instead of just shoving them off the back burner?    As nurses, we are trained to care.  But what good is caring for others if we can’t find the time or the initiative to care for ourselves. 

“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use the more you have.” — Maya Angelou

Nurses do a wonderful job of advocating for others.  It’s time to advocate for yourself too. 

Everyone usually has some area of interest that they wanted to explore as a child but could never afford to; for whatever the reasons; now is a time to give it a try.   Join that music class or take up dancing. How about craft or sewing?

Let your imagination go wild while you have a rainbow of paint options and a blank canvas in front of you.

Peer-group on phone apps or social media

At my previous work place, we had a WhatsApp group of like-minded nurses and co-workers, which helped us de-stress and relax after work.  It was more than a venting platform.  It was a group that offered support, friendship, a hearing ear and on-going education/career guidance and help.  Similarly I found being in touch with my nursing batch mates from 20 years ago and touching base with them, and knowing how each one’s career has shaped up can be both uplifting and encouraging at the same time. If you need a platform, which is purely for nurses, by a nurse, you are always free to join my Facebook group “Nursing with Anitha” where you will find friendship, fellowship and a place to vent:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/655826784878070/?epa=SEARCH_BOX

On a similar note, there are plenty of online platforms offering fun games for nurses to do at leisure which can be both educational and informative.  Why not use them to keep yourself updated and entertained at the same time.  This website has a wealth of information on some of the resources available and I love going through them every now and then

13 Educational Nursing Games You Can Play Online

Healthy boundaries and learning to say ‘No”

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious.  You get to choose how you use it.  You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”

― Anna Taylor

As a nurse, I always thought I had to put the needs of others before my own.  But no sooner had I started doing that, I couldn’t help feeling like a rubber band being pulled in every direction- supervisors, colleagues, family and even friends.  Being a perfectionist at heart; when I take something on, I like to give it my all, but I’ve found I can’t do that if I spread myself too thin; and then I become no good for anyone; including myself.

These are the few boundaries I try to maintain:

• Turning off the TV, the smartphone and all social media for a few hours before bedtime to help the mind relax and rejuvenate.
• Declining the second drink at the local charity party or perhaps even the first drink at a get-together.
• Maintaining financial independence.
• Doing things and being with people that bring me joy while getting rid of all toxicity in life

When you practice self-care; You give to your patients the best of you; not what is left of you.
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Other places where I have learnt to say 'NO':

So now I have learnt to say ‘No”.   No to working extra shifts; No to staying over after work; No to grabbing a shift for my favorite co-worker and No to taking up extra responsibilities at committees.  Having said that; I always made it a point to follow basic work ethic.  Never to cancel at the last minute without providing an alternative.   And never to do unto others what I wouldn’t wasn’t done to me.  That meant, no unnecessary call-outs and when I had to call off from work, I always gave sufficient notice.

My favorite refusal lines are:

“I can’t make it, but let me know how it goes”

“You know I’d never say no to you if I could help it; I just have too many things on my plate right now.” 

“I’m so sorry that you are short staffed today.  Unfortunately, I won’t be able to cover the shift. But I do hope you find a replacement”

In conclusion these are some of the non-negotiable techniques that help me keep going as a nurse.  What are your self-care practices?  Do let us know in the comments section and we can all help each other combat fatigue and grow in the profession together. 

What is nursing if not caring and sharing; after all?