How is body shaming affecting your mental health?

Did you ever stop to look at that magazine cover that offered tips and titbits about ‘how to lose weight in —-days or weeks?  Or those magic pills, which would make you fit into your dream dress?

This is just one of the examples of body shaming; which takes place everywhere, no matter what part of the world you belong to or the place you live in. Why do we body shame? Why do we think it’s okay to mock or criticize one’s physical appearance?  Bullying in any form is wrong.  Bullying about one’s appearance is no less criminal than making racist/ethnic comments. Or even comments related to one’s gender or sexual orientation. We don’t normally tolerate many types of negative comments, so what makes comments about appearance acceptable?  Research has shown that about 60% of teenagers are subject to peer victimization about their weight. The society we live in has a particular notion of ‘beauty’ or ‘the standards’ by which our bodies should go by.  People are often deemed too thin/too fat, too dark/too pale, too short/tall, no matter what a person looks like; there is always something more to be desired.

There’s not a body part that a person can possibly have that would not be perceived as ‘flawed’ or less attractive. While some are ashamed of their love handles or flat bums; others may be ashamed of their small eye’s, pointy nose, large pores, freckles, birth marks, pimples, acne or even armpit hair.

Words matter; and have the power to cause incredible harm.  Whether the words are your own or someone else’s; they hurt nevertheless! 

Let’s take a look at what body shaming looks like in the real world:

What does body shaming look like?

1. Criticizing one’s own appearance:  A body shamer may end up criticizing his/her own appearance and have trouble accepting their own body for what it is.

“I wish I had bigger eyes like her”

“Look how short I am”

• Criticizing someone else’s appearance:  Offhand comments, jokes or ‘unsolicited advice’ regarding other’s appearance or body.

“You’re kind of skinny for a guy.”

“You’re so lucky you can eat whatever you want”

“You are so brave for wearing those clothes/those colors”

“Shouldn’t you be ditching those leggings and wear jeans instead?  That way your big thighs won’t be that prominent”

• Commenting on a third persons appearance without them knowing

“Did you notice how flabby her tummy is?”

“At least you are taller than him.  He is so tiny”

Body Shaming and it’s effects on Mental Health

If body shaming is too frequent or has more impact due to any reasons, it can have detrimental effects on both the body and the mind.

Body Shaming and young adults:

Numerous scientific studies have connected body shaming and bullying with various emotional and mental health manifestations like eating disorders, depression and anxiety, in addition to feelings of disgust, guilt, poor self-esteem and self-harm.  In extreme cases, people have known to get suicidal because of the negative self-image developed due to repeated body shaming.

Drug and alcohol use are another undesired effect of body shaming; as is commonly seen among teenagers and young adults.   Moreover, the younger generation is also known to follow the prompts posed by the social media and it’s ‘not so hidden’ disgust for having cellulite, muffin tops, ‘moobs,’ and anything that would make a person human.

Younger adults especially females often fall prey to the ‘not so kind’ comments or statements from their partner’s about how they look with no clothes on. Cruel comments about the sizes and shapes of the body parts can have serious adverse effects on a person’s mental health and stability. The fear of rejection due to less desired weight and physical attributes have often led to social anxiety and isolation.  Expectations of a ‘perfect physique’ also leads to females feeling ashamed of normal body functions such as sweating, menstruating and eating in public causing even more isolation

As a nurse, I once cared for a lady who went under the knife 17 times for various body modification surgical procedures. There wasn’t any part of her that was natural anymore.  From creating artificial dimples, to tummy tucks and breast implants there was nothing in her that was left untouched.  And yet she suffered from severe anxiety, depression and self-esteem issues.

In another incidence, I had a patient who couldn’t get over the fact that their thighs touched.   This led to an eating disorder where they tried purging after every meal to try to achieve this body standard that nobody even knew existed before.

How does body shaming affect the older adults?

Unfortunately for many; the elderly or the older adults are not spared of body shaming either.  Studies have shown that the elderly are also targeted, bullied and shamed for their ability to walk or the use of ambulatory devices like the cane, walker or the wheelchair; loss of tooth or hair, or the appearance of wrinkles which significantly alters their appearance.

These normal physiological changes often make adjustment hard for some; especially those with underlying self-esteem issues.   While coping with these changes makes life naturally difficult; cruel remarks about these changes by their family members or strangers can further exacerbate their anxieties. 

How can I develop and maintain a positive self-image?

The next time you begin to have negative thoughts about your appearance or ‘flaws’ take a moment to think about what is currently happening in your life and who are the people you often associate with?

Are you feeling anxious, depressed or low?  Are you having trouble in your workplace or school? What are the other challenges that overwhelm you at this point in your life?  Think about what you would say to a friend who came to you for advice in a similar situation?

Write down everything that is going in your life right now.

Engage yourself in self love and compassion and vow to respect your body.

Be aware of how you talk about yourself or your appearance with family and friends.   Words are a double-edged sword; they have the power to kill or to heal.  Do you often seek reassurance or validation about yourself from your significant other? Do you always seek for opinion of others to make you feel good?  Now is the time to let that go.  Ask yourself if there are any other qualities you could look for when those thoughts come up.

Accept your body as it is

Stop wearing those loose T-Shirts or sport bras to hide body parts that you perceive as ‘flawful’.  Nothing is flawed.  Be proud of your stretchmarks, wrinkles or the sagging breasts. They have their own unique story to tell.  Story of how you weathered your storms and fought your battles.  Get rid of those whitening creams and/or ‘miracle fat loosing pills.  

Practice positive affirmations that lead to self-love! 

How do you practice self-love?

-Find something (or things!) you love or like about your body.  Perhaps it is a new hair style that has caught your fancy; or the shape of your eye brows and celebrate the beauty you see in there.  Body positivity is the acceptance, appreciation and even celebration of all body types.

-Tell yourself that you are beautiful and loved. Find a short quote or a poem that helps you feel good about yourself, write it on a sticky and paste it on your mirror.  This will serve as a reminder to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts.

– Eat healthy, well-balanced meals and exercise not because you want to ‘control’ or ‘change’ your body, but because it makes you feel good and gives you a sense of well-being

-Dress comfortably; in a way that makes you feel good; in clothes that fit you now.

Some People Might Not Know They’re Doing It-Speak up for yourself!

Often times people do not realize the effect their words are having on others.  Calling one’s peers by names such as shorty, fatty, dwarf, skinny, may sound ‘normal’ but may not be perceived as normal by the person to whom it is addressed.   Similarly, comments about one’s food or dressing style may have body shaming under tones which at times people fail to realize

If body shaming is occurring from a friend or a family member; talk to them.  Let them know how it makes you feel. If it happens in the workplace or school, speak up.  Remind yourself and the other that you are not your height, weight, or your body part.  You are you.  The unique you.  The beautiful you.  Let no one change that. Discuss why it bothers you and help them see how it may also be hurtful to them.

If the remarks make you angry, be angry.  Anger for a right cause is justified.  Do not let yourself be objectified.  If the comments do not stop after you have spoken to them, report them to the appropriate authority. 

Look closely at your circle

Identify the positive influencers in your life.  Surround yourself with people who make you feel good.  Spending time with positive people will help you when you are struggling with your internalized body shaming and view yourself and other’s around you more positively. On a similar note; let go of the toxic influencers in your life.  Don’t let the bullies win.

It may sound pretty simple or plain common sense, but is actually easier said than done.  Spend some time evaluating the characteristics of people you associate with.  Do they make rude or snarky comments at strangers or passers-by? You do not need those negative vibes in your life.

Know that it is not about you

Remember that the shaming, hurtful things that are being said maybe a reflection of their own insecurities, prejudice’s and mis-conceptions; having little or nothing to do with you.  Even if it is the shamer’s intention to belittle you; you don’t have to absorb their words, take them seriously, or think about them for any longer than the moment.

On a concluding note, when kids get teased or taunted about their appearance in childhood, suffer and carry unseen wounds that bleed into adulthood unless they are tended to.  Satisfaction does not come from one’s appearance.   The feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness may creep up making one feel ‘not good enough’ for a lifetime.  The goal should never be to change your body.  The goal should always be to change your mindset.

Do you have a story to share related to body shaming?  Do you have a experience of your own?  I would love to hear from you in the comments section.