From mental illness to resilience-A true story

Charis, I have seen your work and your store on Instagram and the work you do is just amazing. Tell us more about yourself.

My name is Charis Chan and I am from Hong Kong. After majoring in Fashion Marketing and management, in the US, I decided to pursue ‘PSYCHO’ which happened to be my capstone project in school. I blended mental health and fashion together, and presented it in the from of street wear, urban, chic style to capture the taste of the younger generation.

I actually planned to execute my dream project after gaining some experience in the fashion industry but then things drastically changed in my personal and professional life. I went through a traumatic break up with my boyfriend, and later was furloughed due to the corona virus pandemic. It was then I returned to Hong Kong, decided to take up a job and start my online store simultaneously. That’s how ‘PSYCHO came to be. The brand was successfully launched in June 2020 after plenty of set backs related to political and pandemic issues.

How did the diagnosis happen?  What was the diagnosis?  

  Tell us more about how your diagnosis happened and the symptoms you experienced. 

I was diagnosed by a therapist in Hong Kong whom I sought when I thought I was at a peak of my crisis.  It was a low-cost counselling service offered by a low-cost NGO.   I spoke about the mental health issues I faced and my triggers.  I thought I was depressed and was surprised when she told me I had bipolar disorder.  After a series of sessions with my therapist, I still did not believe I had bipolar disorder.  At the time she did not think I needed medication so she did not refer me to a psychiatrist.  However, her therapy sessions helped me find a better perspective about myself.

What was happening in your life back then?

I had episodes where I felt extremely sad and that often made me irritable.  I thought it was not fair that I was sad all the time.  I began over-thinking; it was as if my brain worked overtime for an endless period of time leaving me totally drained and exhausted.  I was easily provoked by the minutest of things and remained mad all night long, through the morning.  Often, I lost my cool at my parents at home and broke stuff until they could no longer take it.  I think I might have been displaying an attitude towards my long-term friends too.  My emotions were all over the place with no control whatsoever.

There were other times, when I could not even be bothered to get up from the bed.  I had absolutely no motivation and no hope.  Often, I felt abandoned and suffered from low self-esteem.

How did you react with the diagnosis?

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I did not believe the therapist at all.  I had browsed through the internet and had known what bipolar and mania meant.  Much of the research I had done suggested people with bipolar disorder were euphoric, full of energy and their mood kept shifting from mania to hypomania. I did not think I had any of it.  I was just irritable.

Do you accept the diagnosis now?

Internet is an amazing place with plenty of information scattered around.   I had my breakthrough when I found a Cantonese Mental Health Self-Help group on Facebook which consisted of people who had mental illnesses just like mine.  We were a close-knit group where we could share any of our fears, anxieties or feelings without the fear of stigma or judgement.  It was in this group that I learnt symptoms often varied from person to person.  One of the group members shared with me that her manic phase often involved shopping like crazy.  Another member confessed she had thoughts of harming others during her manic episodes.

Did you finally see a psychiatrist?

Yes! I did finally end up seeing a psychiatrist when on one sleepless night I yelled at my parents, threw stuff around and broke the mop in the house. I was very angry and totally out of control by then. I even blamed them for the day I was born.

Thinking back to the day, I know now that it was accumulated frustration, sadness and disappointments from a recent broken relationship that I had. However, finding a good psychiatrist is like browsing on a dating app. You need to find a good fit to be able to trust more and to develop a therapeutic relationship.

How is the reaction of people around you regarding your illness?

At most times, people around me are nice to me; at least to my face.  At times I do hear people describe those with mental illnesses as ‘attention seekers’, ‘selfish’ or ‘psycho’.  I have been called an attention seeker by my closest friends.  One of the girls who I thought was my closest friend thought I had a ‘weak personality’ and over reacted a lot.  At times it breaks my heart to hear the word ‘psycho’ spoken so easily to describe anything that has gone wrong.

However, my mental illness revealed to me my true friends.  My best friend who I was really close to tried to ‘normalize’ my behavior and tried to be extra caring towards me.  Things began getting awkward between us until we finally accused each other of not trying to understand each other’s needs and feelings.  There were a few other friends who stood by me in the toughest of times and even encouraged me and helped me cope.

What is your message to our readers to stop this stigma?

Put yourself in others’ shoes.   People who are mentally ill did not choose the illness.  They deal with whatever was handed to them.  Judge less and love more.

People suffering from mental illnesses do have emotional struggles but our brain are very much functional.  Please do deal with us as normally as possible.  We do not need special treatments.  We just want to be accepted.   Things begin to get awkward when you treat us as ‘disabled’ or worse. 

Especially nowadays, mental health is the second pandemic, anyone might face issues with their mental health at any given time in life. Compassion, love and understanding are very important to each other, those are the elements that stop the stigma.

On a concluding note,

Unfortunately, we have a tendency to talk about mental illnesses when tragedy strikes us or closer to home.  I am here to tell you, do not wait until it is too late.  Each one of us can make a difference.  If you have a mental illness do not hesitate to seek treatment.  If you know someone who suffers, offer your understanding and support.  We rise by lifting others.

Share your journey, the tales of your success, failures and the mistakes you made.  Share about your triumphs! With the pandemic looming large over our heads, our mental health has taken a toll.  Those already suffering struggle with finding their providers and adapting to telemedicine.  We live in trying times.  We need you, and the support you can offer.

You heard the story of Charis.  What’s yours’s??? 

And before you log off; do not forget to visit her Instagram page and Website

  instagram.com/psychosurvival

www.psychosurvival.com