Damaged not Broken: A tale of Deadly Child Abuse

Child Abuse is the number one cause of brain injury-related deaths among children, especially infants and toddlers.  According to a CDC report, there were about 2,250 deaths of children under 5 from abusive head trauma in the years 1999-2014.

Abuse and neglect may take place in a million different forms and yet the injury and the scars are always the same, most of them invisible. Abusers prey on children upon whom they have power and authority because they’re vulnerable and can be manipulated. Unfortunately bruises and broken bones are easy to spot; deep mental and emotional scars aren’t.

Do miracles still happen?  I believe they do.   I met one such living miracle, a wonderful, fearless soul, a survivor and a fighter on one of the social media platforms whose story not just awakens my spirit, but also inspires me never to give up; no matter what is going on!

TW: Mention of child abuse, trauma and neglect

Meet Laurie…

Where a child needs to blossom in the blanket of love and affection, Laurie suffered constant abuse and torture that was to affect her entire life.

A life of abuse, torture and relentless neglect

“Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul.”

― Dave Pelzer, A Child Called “It”

When I began delving deeper into Laurie’s story, I knew there was no easier way of putting it into a short article.   To put her years of sexual, physical, emotional, and neglectful abuse as a child into words that would fit into a story here did take a lot of heartache and just anger, directed at those who heartlessly changed the entire course of her life. “As a child, the abuse was a constant. His attacks were always as hurtful as possible. He enjoyed the fear in my young eyes”.  She says.  

“Unfortunately, my first significant brain injury was at 1 1/2 years old, a concussion. At 2 years of age, a drowning, when I was left unattended at the deep end of a pool by my abusive dad.”  She describes.   At the age of four, a two-story fall changed her body in entirety “when my psycho brother threw me out his bedroom window”.   She goes on to say, “As far as I’m concerned, I’ve had a brain injury for my entire life” she adds. “Over the years of no treatment, after the fall; my back curved even more to where the discs were angled, almost touching each other. My collar bone was dislocated, and was very visible. There was disc damage from my neck to the bottom of my back. Some were herniated. Some were bulging. I basically broke my back in that fall. I had multiple broken ribs from different attacks….” she remembers.  “It messed me up big time. The back of my head is flat”.

From wheelchair to the braces

Multiple injuries, concussions and a diagnosis of fibromyalgia later, Laurie’s legs got weaker to the point where she couldn’t stand up anymore. Thus, came the wheelchair. Just to realize that she couldn’t turn the wheels because of her extremely weakened muscles.  That left her helplessly sitting around in it waiting for her husband to push her around.  She knew then that wouldn’t work.  Her legs had weakened; not her resolve.  She wanted to stand again. That’s exactly what she said to the man who made braces. Thus, started a saga of making personalized braces that would work for her. The talented man had the knowledge and Laurie had the need to walk again.  “I still remember my first step” she recalls. “My legs weren’t close together as a regular person walking, but I balanced myself so quickly that I went all the way down that hall and back. I finally was on my own” she recounts excitedly, celebrating the small victories in life.

 Much later in life, a professional back brace was molded just for her, so she could sit up. “That was the first time I was out of pain. I lived in that back brace, and there were many more to come over the years” she recalls.

Laurie’s medical and surgical journey

Over the course of her childhood and adolescent years, she has had 8 concussions, 6 mini strokes; 4 “trips to heaven” (critical life-threatening events where she had to be resuscitated by life support); 1 from drowning and the other from choking. She survived an attempted murder when her brother Andrew crushed the front of her throat in an insane attack before being rescued by a good friend, just in time.

Physical trauma to a child’s head inside the head can lead to swelling and bleeding inside the brain that causes death. For the survivors, it may mean a lifetime of debilitating challenges including seizures, learning disabilities, paralysis, and blindness or other disabling conditions. Unseen scars however leave permanent changes in personality and behavior.

In Laurie’s case, brain injuries weren’t the only challenges she has had to deal with.  She was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in her early teens; which left her in constant pain.  From her neck down, her body is held up in braces; due to her childhood injuries.  She has been termed as a medical miracle and has been written up in several medical journals.

In addition, she is a breast cancer survivor, has had a double mastectomy in 2009, has had 18 surgeries so far and is in need of 8 more.  She currently suffers from 2 other auto immune diseases causing her additional agony.  “My brain and body are in very bad shape” she says. “The perception problems I have is what makes me still wish I never survived that fall” she adds.  She was confined on a wheelchair for several years, before being held up in a brace. “ My diagnosis of morphea scleroderma, affects my throat each time I try to swallow or eat. One day it will just close up. I have choking events 2-3 times a week; In 2009 I was diagnosed with dementia and anoxic brain damage” she recounts.

Another ailment she had developed from her lifetime of abuse is irritable bowel syndrome. Needless to say, it was from a combination of no food and the stress she endured as a child.

Next, a tumor was found on her pituitary gland when she repeatedly sought medical help for her headaches. The doctor’s objective was to shrink it down, without surgery. Owing to the side-effects of the radiation drugs she was prescribed, she just stopped taking them.  And the tumor still remains…

By the tender age of 20, Laurie was officially disabled in more ways than one. By then she had severe chronic spinal dysfunction, irritable bowel syndrome, rheumatoid arthritis, a pituitary adenoma, fibromyalgia, and the list goes on…..

Her list of surgeries includes 2 pylonodly cysts sliced and scraped, a bladder lift, a cholecystectomy to remove her gall bladder, 2 miscarriages, again from sexual abuse and a hysterectomy because of a prolapsed uterus, a double mastectomy, and a couple of extensive oral surgeries……… the ordeal still continues but Laurie is not the one to give up.

From a victim to a peer champion

Since coming out of her abusive family, she has worked hard to be a champion for her cause.

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”

― Edward Everett Hale

 She was given the opportunity to speak at the Capitol in DC for the March to End Child Abuse.   She also joined the biker’s club; the Guardians of the Children where they spread awareness of child abuse, while adopting abused kids into the club.  During her days with the club, she had several newspaper articles written about her impressive journey.   She also was a panel of a radio/blog talk show…Bill Murrays NAASCA- National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse where she would speak to survivors and encouraged them to come forward with their stories. “I am not at all embarrassed by any of my injuries, especially the brain ones” she says. She is also active in different groups on social media; especially the pain and brain groups to help and encourage those that have to deal with whatever they have going on. “I’ve been away for quite a while now, but I never stopped working on what I can do to spread awareness of what is happening in this world with our kids” she says.

“What keeps me going is showing and proving to my son that a person can overcome and live w their brain injuries. ……” she says.

Re-discovering herself in the art world

I bury myself in my art world. I am a museum embroiderer since I was 40 years old. It’s a skill I accidently found while I was younger. I’m just short of 63 now.

 “I brighten up with colors because my brain, says my doctor, is misfiring the colors” she says.” I can’t see light or dark colors unless they’re in contrast…. tough break for an embroiderer, but I manage”.

She has also taken up diamond painting which she says, helps keep her calm.  She has a beautiful collection of her art at home which she hopefully wants to leave behind for her son.

“It’s proof that there are parts of the brain that will still work” she says.

Apart from making art for herself and the various galleries she has them in, she makes hats and various other embroidered stuff to donate to those in need.  “I do these because it’s necessary, to me and to thousands of other people. I became aware of agencies as I’ve gone along. We have a very long list that we go by, one that can’t take on another place to donate to. I’m old already and so is my husband. My husband is the one who never complained about buying whatever I needed to make things for the kids, including 3 embroidery machines, which is what I used for the 1,600 plus pillows I made. We never ask for help, even when it’s offered. I have a house, food on my table; I don’t travel. I am content to live as I do. To me a gift is more yarn/thread/whatever supplies I need to do what I’m doing.  I don’t try to try to explain why I stay in the background, very few people understand, so I don’t say why anymore. I am just me, a worker like everyone else; I am very thankful that even w my brain injuries, I can do these” says the tireless soul.

Her words of strength and determination

“I suffer from so many problems but, I didn’t die and not all my brain malfunctioned. Did I know I could do something like this, a practice piece done totally by eye?”  she questions pointing to her art work. “Not in a million years. My point is that we never really know all of what’s inside us; and even though parts of our brain just don’t work, other parts just might” she adds.

“I also believe we all come with a unique gift. I was lucky to find mine in my early 20’s. Without it, I was nothing but a brain injured person. Some find it by accident, as I did. Some know it’s in there.  Some others think they can’t get to it. It’s hard work to find ourselves again.  But I’d rather spend my time working hard than dwelling on the fact that I can’t do what others can” she adds.

“I’m still alive and kicking and taking care of my son. My life is far from over yet. I am on a mission I intend to complete and the amount of wisdom I gained over the years is unbelievable. My son means the world to me; I’d do it all again for my precious baby” she boldly says.

A message and a takeaway

“I want to let every survivor know that not only can they recover from their damage, but they can go further than that to help others they find along their way. I was doing more than advocating for other children while I raised my son. I was teaching him how to get through this world on our own terms, with all our problems that we didn’t necessarily create. Educating all of those I can reach out to or those who reach out to me, is what I’m about. It’s what many people who have gone through the process of healing themselves do.

Unfortunately, there are those people who will not be able to recover, depending on the damage that was done to them. I thought I was one of those people. It shocks me still that I am where I am in life. Kids are truly the future of this world. When they are traumatized and left ‘out in the cold’, so to speak, it’s not only the child that is affected. It effects so many more people than is realized. No child should be excluded from helping. No adult who can help, should sit on the side lines and not give back” is her message to the world.”

Concluding Note:

Do you have a story to tell? The time to speak up is now. To all the teachers, guidance counselors and the like, friends, relatives and psychologists: if you know a child is suffering at the hands of a parent or a guardian, don’t brush it off. Don’t think it’s the child’s fault. Don’t assume the child is making stories. Do the right thing instead.

The National Childhelp Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-4-A-CHILD or 1-800-422-4453) Text, Call or Chat.

Darkness to Light
Phone: 866.FOR.LIGHT (866.367.5444)
People They Help: Children and adults needing local information or resources about sexual abuse

A Facebook support page: .https://www.facebook.com/Million-March-Against-Child-Abuse-MACA-Bay-Shore-NY-1456618094660848/notifications/

Stop Child Abuse