A Road to Recovery-Free from Drugs

An Exclusive Interview with an amazing person who successfully recovered from her drug addiction!!!

 What were the substances you were addicted to?

I used to do weed and a bit of alcohol in high school and ever since.  But when I seriously started using, it was Methamphetamine, weed and even cocaine

How did these substances change your life?

These substances changed my life in more ways than one.  I lost about 100lb in less than a year.  I mostly fed myself on ramen noodles and candies.  I felt dehydrated all the time, my skin felt like rubber and I kept picking my skin obsessively.

Spiritually I had lost all hope, I saw no meaning in life.  I did things that I would never normally do.  I once got into a fight and hit a person with the barstool, cashed stolen checks, stole my mom’s car and my dad’s truck, stole my mother’s debit card information, put myself in risky places and in unwanted situations, got sexually assaulted, did things that I never ever had imagined.

Where earlier, I had seen jail in movies, thanks to drugs, I got to go to the jail not once but thrice.

Financially, I lost my full-time job and my apartment.

On a personal level, I lost some of the good friends that I had, I watched them drift away one by one.   They did not want to take the route I was taking.   They were uncomfortable and did not want to associate with me. They saw my downfall.   I lied all the time until even my mom couldn’t believe me anymore.  I was not the same person that I used to be.  I even let people take my car or my parent’s car to trade them for drugs.

What was the worst experience in your life with drugs?

The worst was when I almost lost my life. There was this incident when my boyfriend and I were driving; he was behind the wheel, both of us high on drugs.  He fell asleep behind the wheel and crashed.  The next thing I know, I was flown to a hospital, was placed in a medically induced coma for a week; suffered a fracture in my eye socket, a couple of fractures in my neck; around 7 broken ribs on the right side; a collapsed lung and a broken shoulder.  It took me months to fully recovery.  I had to take time off work to recover.

What happened at your workplace that resulted in your losing the full-time position that you held?

I had a full-time job with plenty of opportunities for overtime.  I worked night shifts.  One day, I took my home-made bong (A device used for smoking various substances, but most commonly marijuana), which I had put together with a Gatorade bottle to work.  I used it during my lunch break to smoke weed.  When I returned from my break, I saw my colleagues giving me the ‘looks’.  I guessed something was wrong.  In a short while, I was escorted to the human resources by the security personnel and given a drug test.  I noticed, they had pictures of my bong and knew I had been caught.  The cops were called.

I was given suspension orders and asked to use employee assistance program to help with my addiction but I would not comply.  I did not think I needed help.  My decision making was completely distorted by then.  It was then that they let me go.  I was given the termination letter.

Was this the only time you tried to quit your addiction?  What attempts/if any or how many times did you attempt to ‘give up’ your addiction?

I tried quitting drugs once before.  My boyfriend and I both decided to quit together.  He stayed off them for a while, but I could not go a day without drugs.  It was then that I began to realize, I had a problem; it was then that I realized the real magnitude of my addiction.  There were times when I cried my eyes out of hopeless desperation.  There were moments when I wanted to give up so bad, but never thought it was possible.

When/how did you start using?  How old were you?

I initially started using in Highschool during my teen years.  It was peer pressure then, a desire to belong.  I did weeds and some alcohol then.

But it was when I started working full time, that I met my ‘boyfriend’.  He re-introduced me to a world of drugs that I had earlier infrequently treaded on.  The deeper I got into a relationship with him, the deeper I delved into drugs.  They had both become an inseparable part of me.

 Do you have any ‘regrets’ now?

Definitely yes!  I hurt so many people with my addiction.  I was not thinking properly, I wasn’t taking the right decisions.  Emotionally and spiritually I was messed up.  I suffer from anxiety now which I never had earlier.

 So, if there are others who feel the same as you, what would you like to tell them?

Covering up for what you actually feel doesn’t really help anyone.  Own up your fears and start working on them.  Things don’t just disappear when you wrap them up, at the end of the day you still got to face your problems and tackle them from the roots.

What was the ‘cleaning up’/ giving up process like?  What were the steps towards recovery?  What treatment?  How long did it take for you to completely break free?

It was the hardest part.  When I made the decision to quit, I knew I had to quit it all.  It was not just the drugs that I had to give up, but also everything else that was associated with them.  I had to give up every friend associated with drugs, including my boyfriend with whom I was really close to at the time.

I went to two different rehabilitation centers.  The first one was recommended by the judge at court.  It was not a good experience at all.  There were all kinds of people doing all sorts of things.  It increased my anxiety and worry.  They finally dropped me and let me go when my insurance failed to come through.  This was in the year 2017.

My mother was scared that I would once more go into drugs.  She found another rehabilitation center for me in the Carolinas.  This one was good.  I stayed there for 10 weeks and completed my course.  This was a Christian place, where we studied the Bible, went to different churches and got connected to the Divine.  We had dogs and animals there.  We even did cooking and all the fun stuff.

However, the struggle was real.  During this time, I found myself eating too much, slept for days together, constantly had suicidal thoughts and spent days crying in desperation.

Once the rehabilitation was complete, my lawyer helped make a deal with the court; where I would be enrolled in ‘drug court’, a program that lasted for 1.5 years in 5 different phases. 

During the course of this program, I had to attend regular classes; submit to a drug test thrice a week; attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings four times in a week initially (with the frequency gradually decreasing when I graduated each phase) and attend court every Thursday.  I graduated from drug court on Dec 5, 2019, finally free from my addiction. 

Who was your strongest support system?

My parents have always been my strongest support system.  They stood by me in my difficult times; and they stand by me now.  There was a time when I had completely lost their trust; but now things have gotten better.  I am lucky and blessed to have had this support

Are there moments now when you feel tempted to go back to that path again?  What makes you remain committed?

There are still times when I fight cravings.  They are always there; a constant reminder of my past.  When I feel overwhelmed, I call someone from Narcotics Anonymous for support.  I also call my mother who is my pillar of strength.

What is your message to the readers reading this?

There was a time when I wouldn’t have so openly shared this picture that was a representation of my relationship with drugs.   I’m not ashamed anymore to say that it has been part of my story.  

Mental illness although has its own stigma attached to it; people still call it an illness.  But with addiction, it is often called a ‘choice’.

Yes!  Initially, I made a choice. A bad one.  I chose drugs.  However, no one sets a goal to be an addict.  Once I became addicted, something changed inside me, inside my brain; making it extremely difficult to stop using, even when faced with serious consequences. I have made some of the worst decisions in my past that have hurt so many people including myself. I didn’t love myself. I was not okay with myself. I was constantly chasing for something to fill the void that I had inside of me. I thought drugs were the answer because they made me feel like I was okay. But I wasn’t. It was a temporary fix that took even more of my self-worth from me. I stole, I lied, I cheated, I fought, I did everything I never thought I would. But today, I am worthy. I am learning to love myself and love life. There is hope! There is so much more to life! But you’ve got to want it. I made the choice to claim my life back from the clutches of addiction; and I’ve got to work every day to make sure that I keep it. And I pray that everyone that has suffered with this, finds what I’ve found. Recovery is beautiful. You get out of it what you put into it. Thank you everyone for the love and support

Note: Substance abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has multiple tools and resources in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Callers can also order free publications and other information.

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline